I love driving my car.

I realize over the years I've always disliked being a passenger. You give up something when you take the seat without the wheel. I know it's not conservative, budget minded or realistic for everyone to be the driver but, oh how I love the wheel.

I learned how to drive when I was very young. My dad and PauPau would sometimes put me in their laps as they were driving around town. Remember that?

They built my cousins and I a 3 wheel go cart when I was 5. My grandparents had a huge gravel circle drive way that was the size of a basketball court. It had an extension to it that was an elongated circle where the local butane delivery truck driver would park his truck at night. So, we had lots of private racing area. We only had one go cart but, we would time each other and celebrate the fastest laps. We also celebrated the spills, fish tales,donuts,roll overs and, of course the burns and scabs.

We spent many days on that red home made go cart. We would play some sort of contest or game at night before we went to sleep and the winner would get to drive first in the morning.

We wouldn't always race. Sometimes we would take turns driving and ride together. Two could sit in the seat and one would hold on for dear life while sitting on the box that covered the engine. Oh, how I remember holding on to the back of the seat anticipating the turn and laughing hysterically as I slid off the back of that beautiful machine. Sure I cried when I landed hard but the glory of the scab was worth it!

When I was 10 my little brother who was 5 got a real store bought 2 seater go cart. We spent so many hours driving that thing around the elementary school yard all day. I would even sometimes make us sack lunches so we wouldn't have to go home for lunch. We of course still had to take bathroom breaks but we kept our liquid intake to a minimum. Ha!

My first real experience driving a car was when I was 11. My dad surprised me one day and allowed me to take the car and drive it around the school parking lot and, park it in our drive way. He allowed me to do this for a whole month every weekend. I'm not sure why he did this but, I liked it.

Not so long after, my mother took me with her on one of her outings. By the end of the day she was unable to drive us home. I knew my dad would be getting home from work soon and, wondering where we were. So, I drove us. Sure I was a little scared but I was confident I could do it and I did.

Unfortunately, this secret wasn't the last.

The last time I went on an outing with my mother as a kid I was still only 12. My little brother went with us as well. My mom gave us plenty of quarters to keep us busy playing pinball, pool, music on the jukebox and, we had our own tab at the bar to order cokes and, of course, all the peanuts you could eat. My mom came along and said we were going somewhere else. She drove us to a little car stop hotel. You know the old ones where people sometimes live in as well. She parked the car in the back lot just outside the window of one of the rooms. She left the keys in the ignition so we could listen to music. She went inside and I didn't see her again for hours. Luckily, I had asked for a drink to go and a cup of peanuts before we left the bar. My brother was tired and, it was hot in the car so the coke and peanuts didn't last long. Eventually, my little brother had to use the bathroom. I did too. I decided we should go knock on the door.

Knock ...knock.
Some man opened the door but I don't remember what he looked like. For some reason I only focused in on what seemed like a gazillion bottle caps danging on some sort of string across the room. Some of these strings were joined together to make curious chimes.

The man asked what we wanted and I told him my brother and I needed to use the bathroom. I heard my mothers laugh and her voice saying to let us in. She showed us the bathroom and we did our business. Once we finished she scurried us out the door and told us to wait in the car again. So,we did.

My brother got thirsty again so, I decided to knock on the door again and ask for a drink.

Knock...knock.

The man opened the door and I asked for my mother. He said she was gone. Gone? I asked him for a drink of water for my brother and, he shooed me out the door. Gone?

It was getting late and, soon would be dark. My brother was crying, thirsty and, my mother was Gone? What else was I suppose to do. So, I drove us home.

I got home before my dad did from work but, when he got home he of course asked where mom was. When he realized I had driven us home he of course knew something was wrong. He put my brother and I in the car and, asked me to tell him where we had gone. As we were driving down the road I saw my mom in the passenger seat of a truck go by us. Look there she is! We made a fast U-turn and began to catch up to the truck. The truck began to speed away and, the race was on. We winded in and out and in and out of so many streets and, alleys before I knew it, I had no idea where we were. I remember my heart pounding so fast I was amazed I could barely hold on to the arm rest of the passenger door when we would take a turn. The truck whipped so far ahead of us it made a U-turn and, a huge plume of dust went through the air. The truck went off the road into the gravel on the wrong side of the road facing us as we came up to it. My dad parked in front of it so close the bumpers kissed.

My dad rushed to the passenger door of the truck and began yelling. I closed my ears and held my brother tight.

My dad came back to the car alone and, we didn't see my mom for a long time.

In fact she didn't return for a whole year.

The next time I drove was when I was 14 and a half. I had a wonderful freshman year at school. Made lots of friends but, as most teenagers didn't quite feel like I fit in. My dad's boss went out of town for awhile and left the company car with my dad. It was a Nova. My dad didn't like driving it much. Not sure why but, he would leave it parked across the street in the elementary school parking lot across from the house.

Oh, that beautiful Nova.

One afternoon my friend asked me to go over to her house to listen to some music and hang out. It was going to be dark soon and my dad was still at work. He was working late. I didn't have many rules as a kid but, on a school night I had to be at the house before dark. I really wanted to go. So.....that beautiful Nova.

I remember the blood racing through my veins and, my eyes widening as I drove that Nova.

I only visited with Annalisa for a few moments. I knew I had to be home before dad.

I remember panicking a bit when I was parking the car. Trying to remember exactly how everything was before I moved it. Should I move it a bit over to the other side of the line or center it more? Was the stick shift left in the middle or in gear? Calm down. No one saw you. Did they!..?

Dad came home and my heart was pounding so loud I could hear it in my ears. He never knew the difference.

My little secret.